Taking the First Step

I've been struggling with procrastination all my life. It really seems to get in the way of making progress at my job and other areas of my life where I know I would be much happier if I was able to follow through on things I decide to do. It seems like no matter how hard I try i cant change this habit. Do you have any suggestions that can help?

Funny how I'm writing my response a few days later than the magazine deadline I was supposed to keep to. But we'll deal with that later. 😃

Procrastination is often misunderstood and poorly addressed which leads people to continue to suffer despite the repeated negative consequences that come along with it. We tend to oversimplify it by referring the cause to being “lazy” when in fact these people in other areas of their lives clearly show it is not the case. 

It is essentially a struggle we all face on a daily basis. It's the battle between instant vs delayed gratification. It seems that some people have a need to get things done immediately to “get it off their chest” while others tend to push it off until the last minute.  This can have significant consequences - particularly when responsibilities are not completed on time at school, work, or home.

One way we trick ourselves into putting something off is that we say "I'll do it later". At that moment when we are saying that, we are picturing "later" as a perpetual state failing to realize that life consists of only moments in the present and that "later" never truly exists. Later will also be a "now" just in a few minutes. Essentially what we are telling ourselves is that "I don't really want to do it at all" 

One of the common contributing factors to procrastination is perfectionism. Those that have a need to keep unrealistic standards in order to please a part of them that demands perfection will frequently be overwhelmed by tasks they have. This leads them to avoid completing what they need to. Perfectionism is a type of black and white thinking that equates doing something imperfectly with not having done it at all. But where does it come from? Perfectionism can be the result of growing up with critical parent(s) or teachers who never seemed to be pleased regardless of how hard you tried. It can also result from being praised for being smart vs for the effort put in.  One of the telling markers of perfectionism is a focus on avoiding mistakes rather than on the pleasure in completing a task.

A tip that people have found to be helpful is to initially commit to taking the very first step without promising that you'll do any more at that time. This might mean starting to compose an email that needs to be sent, or opening up a textbook you need to read, or picking up one item in a room you want to clean.

We all know that when faced with a new challenge we may feel overwhelmed. This is commonly caused by looking ahead to all the aspects required to complete this challenge even before beginning.

We need to remind ourselves that in fact we are only capable of doing one part at a time so there's no need to focus on what's not in front of you. I frequently will ask clients “What’s the next smallest step you can take now that will help you move forward?"  By breaking down something into bite sized components, it can lessen the anxiety one faces. After that step is complete, we can ask the question again and move on to the next step.

We also need to learn to challenge the inner critic that is demanding perfect results and makes you "pay" whenever you fall short. At times I'll have clients imagine what a loving devoted parent would say to them to help motivate them when they feel stuck. This can be done even if one never actually had a parent like that. It takes time to replace a critical voice with a loving one but it can be done with practice. The first step is becoming more aware how often we are feeding ourselves criticism for real or imagined mistakes. Then we can gently introduce another voice that is more kind and loving.  It doesn’t mean to be in denial and take a Pollyannaish approach to life. It means treating ourselves with the level of care and compassion we truly deserve.

Alexander Rand LCSW-R CASAC