Finding Comfort Beyond Food
I know I can't be the only one struggling with this question but I was wondering if you have any advice on how I can avoid turning to food for comfort when I'm upset or stressed out?
You certainly aren't the only one struggling with it but you might be the first wiling to ask the question!
The path to any behavior change can be viewed in 4 steps. We start with an undesired unconscious behavior there we aren't even aware of. We then bring awareness to that undesired behavior and it becomes conscious. The third step is when we actively choose a replacement behavior. The fourth and final step is when the new behavior becomes unconscious and second nature
Let's apply this to the example of smoking. A person develops a habit or addiction and doesn't think much about the behavior. Eventually after reading something, hearing from their spouse, or anything else in life triggering desire to change, causes the person to become aware of the undesired behavior. Then they make a conscious effort to replace the behavior or stop it. After some time the new behavior becomes second nature or unconscious and no longer requires active thought to maintain.
if we then apply this over here, the first step would be gaining more awareness around the undesired behavior. *This would entail before even trying to make a change, to start becoming more aware when and where this behavior takes place. How often is it? What time of day does it most often occur? In response to what kind of stress? Is it mostly happening with food being around and that being the trigger? Or is stress or sadness the trigger and then you'll seek the food out to soothe the feelings?
It might be worth investing a week just tracking the behavior and learning about it before trying to make any changes. Additionally, I would suggest taking on the perspective as if it's somebody else that you are watching a film is that will help you be less critical and more curious about the behavior.
After we learn about the pattern of behavior and it's most common triggers week and then start on setting up applying for behavioral change. I will suggest some common tools people use when implementing change in this area.
It is a lot more challenging to stop a behavior without having a replacement behavior to take its place. I would suggest thinking of specific activities you can do when you notice yourself being triggered. Perhaps it can be something enjoyable that you only allow yourself to do in these instances.
We all know that keeping unhealthy food around that's triggering is not giving yourself a fair chance. But at the same time many of us live with family members that might not share the same goals as we do and therefore we can’t control all food that comes in the house. If we know our weaknesses perhaps we can try to eliminate that particular food from being in the home. Or if it is in the home for it to be kept in 1 specific place that's out of view.
Another suggestion is by writing what's called a coping script which we write and keep with us at all times. It might sound something like this; “Right now I have a strong desire to eat ___ food. But I know that if I do eat it, afterwards I'm going to feel guilty, upset and regret it. I want to make changes in my life that will make me feel happy with myself and that happiness outweighs the momentary pleasure of the food I'm tempted to eat. I'm committed to bringing happiness into my life.
There is a concept in addiction called Urge Surfing. Urges are like waves in that they rise in intensity, peak, and eventually crash. Viewing an urge from this perspective and creating a mindful awareness when we are feeling it can allow us to let it “wash over us” until it passes. Perhaps make a rule for yourself that you can eat the food but you will first need to wait 20 minutes before making that decision. (The average time for an urge like this to pass)
Finally, one of the most important ingredients in making a successful change is a decision upfront to that we're going to stick it through regardless of how long it might take and what pumps we might hit on the way. I think people most often make is that they don't expect the change to happen in a process over time and rather believe that success comes from a one time decision to overcome the challenge in fact, most changes happen over time with many bumps on the road and if we just allow ourselves to stick through it, we will get there at the end.
*(This is a very significant step that most people tend to neglect as once they make the decision to change they are eager to get started. Unfortunately many changes we want to make fail as a result of giving up after an initial unsuccessful attempt. And that often comes from insufficient understanding of the problem and the preparation needed to properly address it).
Alexander Rand LCSW-R CASAC
